Week Three

So I'm now onto week 3 of my leave from work. I've been feeling a lot better, still have some anxiety about the outdoors and I am having trouble sleeping.

All in all though, I feel destressed. Money was an issue for a bit but I've managed to clear that issue up. The migraines are almost gone, and my hair has stopped falling out mostly. This is much improved from my previous state.

My next check up will determine if I am to return to work or not. I have to check back in with my doctor and he may want to try the anti depressants again. The problem with that is I tend to be non-compliant with them and they stop and start.

Today I'm feeling a touch sickie... However, it could be much much worse. I have a little headache and my tummy is a bit off.

Oh! And I have an old friend coming to visit. Her name is Caroline... We have known each other since grade 5 and she has always been so nice to me. I'm really happy we are going to see each other. And my Barbie is coming to visit me as well. I think that those two will mesh quite well. They are both so sweet natured and make wonderful friends. Barb wants to go to the bar tonight, I may be up for it but I'm not sure, I'm not really a drinker and with this headache....

In other news, the guy I'm seeing has managed to snap up a job. I'm so proud of him ^.^

Also I've managed to get tonnes of my Christmas shopping done. I'm really happy that its getting figured out now as opposed to later. I have a hookah for Marra, a vaporizer for another friend, mum is getting baking stuff and a small digital picture frame for her desk, my sister is getting pinch guards for her doors. The list goes on and on.... So far I haven't spent a tonne on it, but I still want to get a few more things. I am re-doing an old wooden sled for my aunt and Josie... She will love it!

However, I'm going to go sleep off this headache before I have to get up and tidy.

Cheers

Lovely Lines!

So check it out, my friends started up this awesome new clothing brand and I am really proud of them.

I am sure they are going to do amazing but I really wanted to share them with you. If you get a chance check them out and be sure to buy something from their brand spanking new site. I would love to see an amazing amount of support for them and their new Brand.

The name is Lovely Lines and they are a clothing company based out of Ontario, Canada. The guys that own it are a part of Moira Darling (Remember them from this entry?) and they are making gorgeous high quality clothing. They were founded in 2011 and I am betting you will see this brand go huge before 2013 rolls around so get in while the gettin's good!

Check them out on Facebook here and visit their store here!

Some Photo's of the new place =)

Just a few pictures of the happening in the new apartment =)

What do I want?

I know what everyone else wants, I can tell you what all of my friends and family want. I can tell you what goals they have, what hopes they have. I can tell you their fantasies contain in most cases...

What I cannot tell you is what I want, at least not off the top of my head. I think I spend so much time trying to make everyone else's dream come true, I forget to think about my own. I didn't know what my own goals were.

So, I fixed it. I wrote my goals down and put them on the fridge. They are on the fridge so I see them every day. On that damn fridge they will stay.

Chills

So I have been at my friends house for the weekend and it is amazing. We have been drinking some white wine and I even had a little bit of weed :)

I have been talking to a whole bunch of friends and I am making soooo many plans. I never thought I would say this but Love sucks. I don't want to be in a relationship again for a while. I'm having waaaaaaay too much fun right now anyways :P

I literally have so many people wanting to hook me up with friends, and they are all being told the same thing, I'm not looking for anyone right now. I'll hangout and we can get to know each other but I'm not interested in anything serious.

I was also lucky enough to be invited to my friends early christmas dinner. She made a delicious turkey with all the fixin's. It was uhmazing. :)

In other news, I heard an interesting story. Apparently I am all the talk of my workplace. There is some gossip going around that I was an abusive money grubbing bitch to my ex. I want to clear this up.

I never took his money. He asked me to move in and after his urging and irrational decision making, I did. I pay for my half of everything as well as pay for all the groceries and half of a TV my ex was renting.

I wasn't abusive. Sure we had our fights and we yelled, but I never put my hands on him. I got in his face when he did wrong and toward the end I was bitter because he had been physically violent, and because I was losing the battle to keep my home together. I may have been angry, but I never monopolized his money, beat him or controlled him. In fact I had to scream at him to leave me alone for one stupid night.

I just wanted to dispel some of the gossip and lies being spread by people who were once my friends. I have the perfect lyric for this in fact;

"Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand, when your up on top of that mountain. But let one of those rocks give way and you slide back down, look up and see who's around then. "

You really do find out who your friends are at a time like this. Someone will drop everything, come and find you to pull you out of that place. Those are the people who don't think about what's in it for them, the people that don't tally favours. Then again you have friends that will drop you... Right on your face.

Lesson of the Day : Fair weather friends are great in the sunshine, but I would rather spend my time in the rain sharing an umbrella with someone I can depend on.

Care to help some adorable cats find a home?

I am posting for my friends who have recently found themselves in the company of 2 adorable but homeless kitties. They unfortunately cannot keep these cuties because they already have some of there own and unfortunately a very cold winter is on the way.

I would like to take a moment to reach out and ask if anyone could take these to sweet, affectionate cats. It would be preferable if they could go to a home together since they appear to be very attached.

Here is what my friend had to say!

Rorschach (black and white) is about 5 pounds and Bisu (striped) is closer to 15 pounds.
As the title says, I think these are stray cats. I am pretty sure Bisu is male and Rorschach is female.
The way they eat food tells me that they are either stray or from a home that doesn't feed them. They are both tame, enjoy attention and like the food that I give them. They both have front and back claws. They both have flea bites around their ears


I don't want to take them to the humane society because I don't know for sure if they are stray and I'm sure they have enough stray cats as it is. If you would like more information or have more information about these two cats please message me.

I would honestly keep them myself but I already have two cats of my own.

If you are interested leave me a comment on here or get in touch with me on Facebook. I will get back to you right away and we can arrange something! They are in Belleville, Ontario.

Book of Random Pt 4

No news

I know sometimes they say no news is good news, but totally not tonight. I am bored to death. I spent the majority of my night last night listen to Marra's slightly neurotic friend jibber jabber and then watched Full Metal Jacket for the rest of the evening.

Today I took 2 tylenol 3's before work to make my insides stop hurting. I must say the mild haze I get makes me far more pleasant on the phones. I also found out I have an RPC of $ 27. Which is amazing. I am thoroughly pleased with myself to be honest.

Oh, and I was told last night that I am "part vagina, part sexual predator and part light up velcro shoe." I feel it is a pretty accurate description.

My best friend is moving in with a drugged out chicka too, not sure how I feel about this but at the same time, totally not my issue.

Iunno. I'm just blathering.

Friends

I was watching Grey's Anatomy and Teddy's husband said he started coughing up blood to win an argument to make a joke out of being sick.

I started crying my eyes out. It made me think of my best friend, Danni. He died when I was 16 in a motorcycle accident. We were planning on getting together and celebrating my birthday, he was driving up to see me when he crashed.

This episode made me think of him. I felt terrible because I had forgotten him. Then in that instant I remembered how he smelled, the sound of his voice and the shape of his eyes. I miss him.

I just needed to talk about it to someone. Anyone.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Alone.

Is it so effin' bad that I want to be left alone? I have not had time to myself with the exception of 20 min-2hrs without someone in the same room or just outside of it. I honestly feel like I am being slowly suffocated.

I have always given others the time they want and need to be alone, and when I wasn't working, I made a point to go to my parents/friends/grandparents house to give my boyfriend time to do his own thing. Why am I not afforded the same courtesy? Every human being wants time alone in there own head... they don't want to be constantly bombarded with human contact. FFS.

Iunno, I guess I am just feeling like I never get to have time to think or breathe. Someone is always around and it's like I'm 2 again. I really don't need a babysitter and I just wish that people could just leave me alone.

All I really need to have time to sort myself out.

Home.

I am decidedly displeased with work right now. It has been a very long hard day, and don't any of you bitch at me for whining about my cushy job. I deal with the dumbest of dumb people. I literally get asked once daily how to turn on a printer or if it has to be plugged into power to turn on.

Like for the love of god people. READ THE FUCKING MANUAL. It is probably a good thing none of my bosses know about this blog or my ass would be soooooo fired. Apparently calling people stupid is a no-no. Oh and so is yelling at mentors.

So it wasn't really the mentors fault. In the real world we are actually friends, but at work I am a hormonal angsty underpaid overworked bitch. He unfortunately wasn't trained well on windows and that being said he is very fast learner. I just happened to be having an issue installing some dudes printer and my friend who is supposed to know all, drew a blank. I was fine with that until he left me with the instruction to refer to OEM (original equipment manufacturer) just "because something is wrong." I may have (loudly) said "well you didn't know the first thing about it so why should I listen to you?"

I feel badly about yelling at him, but I have a job to do, y'know? If the people who are supposed to be helping me aren't properly trained, then how am I supposed to fix issues and give customers proper recommendations? Amirite?

Opinions?
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Medical Update!

So I got some amazing news back from my doctor today!

My bloodwork has been completed and I showed no serious issues. I am as healthy as a slightly chubby horse. The only concern he had was with the fact that I had an extremely low sodium count. I apparently share that in common with my mother who I was told tends to not absorb sodium well either.

With this and my weight in mind, he is drawing me up a referral to the dietitian in his office. I should hopefully be able to manage my sodium more effectively by adding more salt to my diet or if necessary getting IV saline. Nifty right? Either way, I figure a dietitian will also be a handy tool for losing more weight and getting back to a healthy me.

In other news I have been trying really hard to portion my meals and trying to lose some weight. I was pleasantly rewarded when I stepped on the scales and found myself sitting at 176lbs. I have lost 9lbs since my last weigh in on October 16th (I believe!). Oh, and I also have started my birth control. 5 days into my first packet. I'll keep you updated on my status. The only thing is a nagging pain in my leg and chest, however it is distinctly possible that is from sleeping on a futon mattress on the floor.

Anyways, I have Dexter to catch up on.

Sleep overs....

First off, you're a pervy-perv-pervster. It's not THAT kinda sleep over. ^.^ I decided since I have my doctors appointment in Trenton anyways, I would come over and help my friends move into there new place.

Barb is lovely by the way... you should meet her. And Cory is hilarious.

I managed to steal some internet (thanks BELL335!) and decided to write you up a little note before I went to bed. Today was not the least bit interesting, but I lived. I am hoping that this stupid headache will screw off shortly, however it's not looking so good for me.

Also, this futon is super comfy as long as I lean to the right.... not to the left, only to the right. Explain that crap.

I am also playing ghost detective for my friends, apparently there is something haunted in this apartment and since I seem to be a touch sensitive to the "paranormal" if you will, I am just going to see what I feel. So far, drafty door behind me and it is all quiet except for my, seemingly thunderous, drumming on the keys. That is until the bag next to me falls over and scares me to death! I am such a tweak sometimes I swear.

I have to say that blogging seems to be doing me well, I feel like I've found out a lot about myself and I will continue to do so the more I write. Anyways, gotta be up suuuuuuuuper early tmrw so I'm going to hit the hay!

Cheers

Found: Old Blog post from Quiet Write

I can't imagine a more peaceful place than this apartment, the night after a fight. Whenever we fight, everything is so loud, angry and turbulent that I feel like nothing will ever be peaceful again. Like someone who had there life ruin by an act of God or a war might feel unstable and insecure. It's almost as though there is a tornado rushing through my life, swirling around me, like the fury of a thousand storms. The next morning however, all is quiet and peaceful but still distant and cold. Imagine being in the arctic circle... No one there, except you. It's THAT kind of quite, that kind of alone feeling. In some ways however it's nice to be able to collect yourself and move on without being prodded with unsolicited apologies for what we both did.

Honestly, I hate apologizing. Sincerely, truly, unimaginably hate it. With every fiber of my being. Simply because, I'm not really sorry for what I screamed about and I don't regret saying those terrible things. Deep down, I meant them. Although we would love to believe we are perfect, we aren't, and I see nothing wrong with verbalizing those flaws and making them tangible. You can't possibly know something needs improvement if you have never been told so. Somewhere within my subconscious I suppose we are all aware of our own imperfections, but until they are forced to the surface, we will never confront them. People just make up lies to fool there own mind into bending the truths it knows and to cover up there true nature. It's a mechanism we all have to ensure we are accepted within our society. What I find truly amazing are the people that don't feel the need to have these lies around them like a safety blanket. These people are often least liked in social circles and shunned by society as pessimistic sociopaths, but in reality they are simply honest.

If you haven't become aware by now this is a rant that leads no where. I find this type of thing is helpful in relaxing my mind and preparing myself to deal with daily annoyances. If people wrote everything down, in brutal honest detail, we would have a much clearer understanding of everyone's needs. Some, however, don't communicate well and prefer not to discuss there innermost thoughts. Unlike them, I do enjoy typing out my feelings until my fingers bleed and screaming 'til my lungs give out. My mother taught me that. Venting the massive amount of emotion I feel daily is probably the only thing keeping me from murder or suicide. I haven't decided which as of yet. Even joy when undiluted, causes mental anguish. Sometimes I think that my brain isn't wired to handle emotion, period. Like learning how to walk on an artificial limb, it feels strange and disconnected even when taking the most tentative of steps.

Something else that I feel everyone should know about me is I'm not like my comrades of similar ages, I tend to have a more childlike outlook on my life. I find amusement in small things and be content talking to myself for hours. It's like I could never grow up, even if I wanted to. (Although I feel no need to do so.) There is nothing that makes me happier than brushing off responsibility for a day and being playful. There is also nothing in my life that makes me feel the need to play video games, or anything else related to computer simulated adventures. There has been a surplus of real life adventures in my life already.

To be frank, there is simply no desire to see if anyone will read this, and I do have things to do today. With that thought in mind, I will adjourn this babbling rant.

Lunch Date

So today I woke up to a message or seven from my aunt. She was headed into town near where I lived and decided that it would be nice if her, I and my grandmother went out to lunch. When I called her back to say I would love to she happened to be only 20 minutes away.

So after much scrambling to get showered, dressed and put my face on, I met them at my lobby and to my delight my Aunt definitely has a preggo belly. I don't know If I have mentioned it before but we found out earlier this year that she was having a baby and it turns out (Like I predicted!) that she will be having a baby girl. I couldn't be more pleased. However, my aunt already is a little bit high strung and now with the whole baby thing, she is a little strange too. Not that I mind, my whole life is filled with weird people... but apparently if you do not feed my aunt when she is hungry she turns into a raging she-devil who threatens to eat the poor waitress.

We ended up at Boston Pizza for lunch, and we had some cactus cut fries (which were delicious.) and I ordered a NY strip-loin steak with prawns and scallops and some french fries. My aunt got ravioli and lobster and my grandmother got a porkchop and linguine. I think my only complaint was I asked for my steak medium rare and ended up with a bleeding hunk of meat that was somewhere between blue rare and rare. I honestly tried to eat it and at times I love a good blue rare steak, but just not that early in the afternoon. I ended up asking my waitress if we could cook it a touch more and to my delight they brought me back a perfectly seasoned delicious medium rare steak and gave us 25% off the bill. The manager even came to make sure it was alright. I couldn't have asked for better service to be honest. My aunt absolutely hated her lobster, but that we can chalk up to the fact that the dish itself was not a well designed meal... the intense flavour of the spicy sauce and the cheese stuffed ravioli overpowered the delicate taste of the lobster.

My grandmothers meal was good, however the pasta could have been cooked a touch better. The bite I had of her pork was heavenly. Honestly, one of the best pork chops I have ever had and we spent the better part of the meal trying to figure out what this delectable yellow vegetable they served her was. We finally gave up and asked the waitress who informed us that it was yellow carrot. I made a mental note to buy some next time I am at the grocery store.

Other than that I spent my day folding laundry and putting on the last load to wash. I also decided to neglect my workout for tonight to give me the chance to ease back into the routine. However, come hell or high water, I will be doing Yoga tomorrow night!

I also am making big big plans to attend fleming college, I have made up a list of all the programs that I would like to take and there is well over 30 that I can complete. Most of them can even be done online in some fashion. It should be an interesting experience and I look forward to keeping everyone updated on my progress.

As for my relationship, it is still on the rocks.... I am not sure if or how it can be fixed. At this point, I am trying to work on me, I will worry about the rest later.

Blogging Indefinitely.

Something every one of my friends quickly found out ^.^

What?? Totally plausible!

You are gorgeous <3

I know a few of these people.... >.>

Finally a concrete definition =P

I always thought I was alone!!!!!

Seriously.... don't park there.

Not sure it's an Einstein quote, but it's true none the less.

and booty, lots of booty!

This is what I look like every Monday.

Day of the Dead inspiration.

Again my best friend and I were hanging out and I have been having a bad pain day. She graciously allowed me to paint her again.... This time I was inspired by a Mexican celebration, Day of the Dead. The results were jaw dropping and it ended up being a great distraction. <3 my Emmie

This week for show and tell.....

So this has been an interesting week so far... I have been dealing with a lot of morons on the phones lately and trying unsuccessfully to sell toner. Unfortunately I don't seem to be having much luck. Normally I could sell ice to an Eskimo but not this month. I have been distracted with the upcoming holidays and trying to get my mind into the holiday spirit.

This time of year is always hard for me, I hate Christmas with a passion and it is very apparent. The only thing I really enjoy is spending time with my family. I love the way everyone crowds into someones house and we have the time to spend together, mingle if you will. I believe this year we are having it at my Aunts place, not a bad idea... saves my grandparents the stress of hosting and cleaning up.

In other news, I have disowned yet another friend.... I am really trying to take this "No Debbie Downers" thing seriously. He was just another to not make the cut. It didn't help that he couldn't keep him trap shut about me and keep his nose out of my business. I guess he didn't approve of my relationship with the hubby and was not above telling lies to try to get him to end it with me. So, yeah, he quickly was told where to go and how to get there, then dumped in the abyss of failed friendships. Sad though, I liked his kids well enough. Happy talkative little things, completely normal considering how the father is >.< Yes, I am aware that that was an inappropriate and likely only mildly warranted low blow, however, I am still pissed at this moment so I don't really give a shit. =)

In other news, I have been invited to my friends lovely abode in BC sometime in the new year and I am pretty sure that I am going to go. I just have to save enough for airfare and a week or two of food and what not over there and I'll hop a plane as soon as humanely possible. I have always wanted to see BC again since I first went as a child and this will be an amazing chance to see it properly and to visit one of the most amazing people I have ever had in my life. We met a totally random way and our lives intertwined even more randomly. I ended up having to use an alias to call her house! She is wonderful though, high spirited, laid back and incredibly funny and smart. Not to mention gorgeous. ^.^ She is one of the people I hold in high regard and find I could spend and immeasurable amount of time with. That is saying something.

In other news I am getting a shirt painted by Chris Cromwell and I definitely want a button as well. I need to add it to the front of my ugly, vomit green bag. It is the bag of all bags and I love it because it is just too hideous to be called a purse and can fit 1/2 of china inside it. I'll have to get a picture to show you guys... it's pretty amazing.

Anymawho.... I have started taking baby steps towards weight loss. I have started with doing yoga stretches at my desk at work and eating veggies as a snack. I have also made muffins that are probably 10x lower in fat than the ones I use to get from Timmies in the morning. OH! How can I forget, I've started eating a correctly portioned breakfast of Shreddies with no extra sugar. I am beginning to feel healthier already. Plus, 3 squares a day has the benefit of making me feel full longer. I can see now why I have been skipping something important. Guess I'll be stocking up on high fiber cereals.

But I must bid you good day as I have to get this apartment sparkling for my dinner guests tomorrow night! I hope it turns out as well as I've planned! Cheers!

Blogging Endlessly

Book of Random Pt 3

Here is part 3 of my "Book of Random" enjoy it and if you do, press follow and then share my blog with your friends!