Friday, 5 August 2011

Missing time....

Here is the blog I did up while I was offline and off the grid for a few days =P

Sorry, it's been a while, but I've been a busy girl. Mostly trying to work on my relationship. It seems as though the harder I try to go through the motions of working through fights and annoyances we inflicted upon each other, the more we fight.

I have given him a one month deadline before I make a final decision. I am getting really upset, I just want to be able to come home and spend a day nearby my boyfriend and not end up in a screaming match. I love him, and I know he loves me, I just worry that we are just incompatible. Maybe love isn't enough for us. I have no objections to staying together if we can work it out, however, if we can't work it out, I look forward to being a single gal.

In other news, I attended my best friends wedding reception. It was dancing, smoking and eating. I spent most of my night sitting silently contemplating. It almost felt like I was watching my best friend get farther and farther away. I almost broke down and cried.... I know he has been married for a while, but that was so sudden. As I sat listening to his speech, him telling his new wife how much he loved her, it all sank in. Don't get me wrong, his wife is amazing, she is smart, funny, pretty and she is competely right for him. You couldn't ask for a more perfect couple. They laugh together and she makes him smile, and of course I am happy for them. I just am so used to being the woman in his life. I used to make him laugh, I used to spend all my time talking to him, and now I worry that I won't have him there when I need him.

Paranoid, I know. However, I know how relationships can.... Oh, what's the word.... infringe... on friendships. I am not willing to let go of Bryan completely, he is MY best friend after all, however, I am going to give over my usual spotlight.

In other news, I am super pissed off at Ky. I have never met a more selfish person. She has treated me like something that can be used to suit her purposes. I went over and cleaned her house whenever she wanted to "hangout." Hell, there were even fucking times when I cleaned her mother's house. Whenever she needed help with anything, I was there. I helped her pack up and move from trenton to belleville. I paid extra for my hair supplies so she could use the leftovers on other people. I even used to wait ridiculous amounts of time for her to do my hair and even helped her do other peoples colour and washes while she waited.

She had the nerve to try to tell my boyfriend that I was being the bitch. Well, I am sorry that I was so helpful and that I got sick and fucking tired of being your puppet. I didn't want to be her tool for pleasing mummy anymore so I moved on. Apparently that made her decide to freak out. She accused me of only being her friend for rides.... Funny part is, that she only gave me rides to places she wanted to go. (ie. cottage, her mom's house, grocery store.) I am maddeningly frustrated that she is being so rude and unapologetic. She bitched out on helping me out with my move, and spent the day ignoring all my texts and bbm's. I hate that she would blow me off like that and the fact that she could even go that far to hurt me. As if it wasn't good enough for her to get off scott free using me, she had to ignore the one time I ask her for help.

Worst part is that not a month before hand she was giving me backlash over my decision to take Marra back into my life and rekindle our friendship. She told me that she was mad at how badly Marra treated me and how I would just end up with a knife in my back. I couldn't help but wonder at the time if she was right, if I was doing the wrong thing. I mean if someone who claimed to be one of my bestfriends, was telling me that I was making a huge mistake and that they didn't want me to be hurt again. Then I realized that the only reason she was so mad is because she wouldn't be able to have my undivide attention and thusly, wouldn't be able to have me do her bidding.

I am bored to death. I have exhausted all my options as far as entertainment. I am home with heat stroke. I went to the beach yesterday and got my tan on. We also spent hours in the water. I have a gorgeous brown tan though, it was a very very bad burn yesterday though. I even made some very tastey brownies =D They were delicious and even had a proper glaze on them ^.^ I was so proud of myself for making them.

Oh and in other news, I quit the boathouse and went back to stream, I am in streamline as of now and will hopefully be working towards hitting TCO within 3 months or Lazyjet..... either way they offer me a chance to work week days and to do something different ^.^

That's all for now! Cheers!

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