Saturday, 30 April 2011

A wedding.

So I realized I haven't updated in a while, my life has been extremely hectic. To almost the point of madness. I had a big week planned with visiting people and trying to keep the house looking nice. So, bright and early Tuesday morning I got up and went to starbucks to grab a cup of Java with Chris Cromwell, (Yes, from Moira, Darling) Unfortunately I got lost in my own little world and started exploring the Chapters next door. We totally missed each other and didn't get to hang out at all. Needless to say I was disappointed, but I got home and later on got caught in the torrential downpour that came up suddenly while I was taking a walk to the store. Needless to say it was freezing but wonderful at the same time. I've always had a certain softness for rainstorms and perpetually feel the need to dance in them... I think they are beautiful.

The rest of my week was spent in a boring haze, attempting to conquer the common cold and making plans for what was happening the rest of the week. My best friend, Bryan, messaged me and told me we were doing something monumental on Friday, although he didn't specify. Finally when the day arrived I was going out of my brains... I was sick and gloomy, I also had no idea what was happening. Finally they buzzed up to the apartment and told me they were waiting. I hightailed it down to the car, wondering what was going to be meeting me when I arrived. To my surprise Bryan, Kelly and someone else, who was later introduced to me as Tim, were all there... In my puzzled and amused way I looked at them and promptly stuck my foot in my mouth. I gave an exasperated sigh while tossing my backpack into the car and asked "You aren't going to make me do anything dumb like officiate your wedding, right?" Immediately the 3 of them burst into gales of laughter as I hopped in looking puzzled. Bryan peered around his seat with a grin as wide as his face and said, "Yeah... funny story..." I knew at that exact moment what shoe leather tasted like and that I was going to a wedding in track pants and a white Melissa sweater. Tim told me he was Kelly's witness and we talked a while, you could feel the tension in the car climb, along with the excitement. We stopped and picked up whatever cash we needed and drove to the house were the marriage would be preformed.

The man who was preforming the ceremony was thankfully humorous and had a bubbling personality that fit great with Bryan and Kelly. Even during the ceremony he was cracking jokes and never too serious. It was a warm and tiny wedding of only 4 people, but it was beautiful. I almost teared up a few times, it was amazing  to watch my best friend get married and know that he was going to be with this woman forever. The love between them couldn't have been more clearly defined than the moment when they kissed. I thought about how much I loved Bryan and how much I looked forward to him being there to see me have that same moment when I got married.

After the ceremony we had some pictures taken and I snapped a few outside as well. The sky had brightened up and it became a beautiful day. I hugged and congratulated Bryan and Kelly, holding back tears and grinning like a mad man. We talked for a while, and got back in the car. Stopping only to get flowers and a card, we drove to Bryan's mothers. Tim and I hung back while Bryan and Kel told his mom. The shrieks of joy were heard all through the parking lot and Tim and I fairly jumped on each other with joy. None of us except Bryan had thought she would take it so well, since she didn't know before hand, but she was ecstatic. We stayed and had some coffee, shared details about the day and watched his mother excitedly call the relatives with the good news. After sharing coffee, we went to starbucks and told his brother Shane the good news. Much more subdued than his mother, he congratulated the happy couple and we took off for a bite to eat.

We spent the rest of our time together laughing and joking about the days events. Bryan and Kelly were radiant. I promised to visit them soon enough and made Tim assure me that he would add me on facebook to keep in touch after he went back to Germany.

Everything about that day was amazing and I can't help but wonder to myself when will my happy day come! Soon enough I hope.

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Cupcakes and Crickets

Today was an odd day... I did a couple different things. I spent my morning watching an old Tom Cruise film, Rainman. Then I moved on to my actual task of shopping. I unfortunately had to walk in the rain to the local stores. I managed to make it to the pet store, grabbed some crickets and food for the fish & turtles. My second stop was the dollar store where I grabbed some more art supplies and canvasses. Nothing fancy, just what I needed to practice. My last stop was GT, they had some shorts on sale, so I grabbed a couple pairs and carried on, I got the frosting I needed for my cupcakes and meandered home. I found out that my favourite music to walk in the rain to are Our Lady Peace and John Mayer. It is amazing rainy day music.

After I got home and did some dishes up, I set to work on my cup cakes... I decided on plain vanilla cupcakes. I got both Chocolate and French Vanilla frosting for them.

I used this recipe Here

After my cupcakes were done, I decided that I needed to do some painting.... I got to work on my "Love Yourself" painting. It only took about 15 minutes to do but it needed a couple touch ups that took a bit longer. It turned out gorgeous! I'm really excited. I need to figure out who to give it too. ^.^

After that came dinner, I did a General Tao sauce on pork chops and beans. I did some garlic and butter potatoes... A-Maze-Ing. They were fantastic. I can't wait for barbeque season, Dana will be teaching me how to barbeque properly.... It's weird to think that little over a year ago I had never cooked anything outside of KD and Mr. Noodles.

I'm super excited for summer, for cottaging and for everything that comes next.... Can't wait to update you on what's happening in life!

Tuesday, 12 April 2011


You may find yourself wondering what I did TODAY. Well, let me tell you then. Woke up to go pee at 6 am and decided the sky was lovely and that I should take pictures, so I did. I had an appointment with OW so I woke up early, I managed to get myself away from my computer after an hour of stumbling and into the office perfectly on time. I walked downtown and I must say it was a lovely day... Just breezy enough to stay at perfect T-shirt weather. I stopped at the bank and exchanged 1150 pennies, yes, exactly that many. I meandered down to the office and upstairs.

The intake meeting took about an hour in total and was done by 3. It was uneventful, but I now have something to do on Monday. I'll be taking a course on Customer Service. Basically it will be something nice to put on my resume. =D I'm going to be signing up for my Smart Serve course and anything else I can get my hands on to make myself look like an over achieving douche for resume purposes.

After my meeting I decided to take a meander around the canal and take pictures. In doing so I walked down to the end of the trail and looked at ducks. I took pictures of the water, the bridges and random other things. I trudged wearily back home and took up my post on the couch for a bit. I watched the sun go down and was happy to have at least a little money coming in.

I also will be planning a cottaging trip for May, which is actually hard to do since no one wants to RSVP properly, ARGH! I need to get that figured out and I'm also going to see about getting into college for Nursing so that when I graduate from that I can then move onto my post grad cert for International support worker. Even mom likes the idea and I'm quite pleased about it. My grandmother was tickled pink by the thought of me going and helping small foreign children. I didn't have the heart to tell her they would probably be injured and dying. She was so happy in her own little dream world.

Anyways, other than that not much has happened, trying to plan an outing with the lovely Chris Cromwell to do some artsy stuff. Must get in touch with my inner artist. I'm sure we'll have a blast with whatever we do =) I have to start getting out to more shows and of course I need to visit Sheena soon too ^.^ I miss the crap outta that girl.

I also have a new twitter account!

Anymawho, here are the photo's of today's journey.

Teenage Love Story (Part 2)

The day drags on and on, I keep looking at the clock and wondering how time slows it's self down. Finally lunch bell rings and I tear myself out of my seat and walk as fast as I can to my locker. My mind swims back to him, and the way he laughed. I don't even think he likes me, he's way older than I am and there are so many pretty girls here. But I'll go with Jenna anyways.

We meet up in the smoking area, everyone is there... Little Steph is going on about something again, Shawn, well he's eating... Mike, Rob and Chad are playing hack and, oh my God, he's with them. I need to act normal, and say something... I honestly don't know what to say so I manage to sputter out a few words that could be describe at best as "barely cohesive garble." Thankfully, that is pretty much my norm so everyone laughs it off. He wanders over and we talk a bit, everything is so easy. My heart is still thundering out of my chest but I manage to play it cool. We head out to the park to get stoned and hopefully find something interesting to talk about.

I take a hard pull off the bong and my head starts to buzz, the tingle in the back of my throat becomes overwhelming and I cough. Everything is hilarious and funny, I laugh out loud just because it feels nice. I can't imagine my life without this every day. Bryan is still playing hack and Jenna is ripping a bong with Steph. I wander over to the swingset, were I'm eventually joined by Bryan... I can't swing, I'm too high to start feeling like I'm flying right now but he pushes me anyways. Like usual I have nothing coherent to say so I laugh. My head is swimming with what I should do, but nothing seems cool enough. I just keep swinging. Finally, Jenna calls over to me, letting me know we're heading out. I hop down and give Bryan a quick shy smile and we wander over.

Jenna wants to go to the store for munchies, so we head out. I'm fuckin' starving and I can't imagine anything better than food. We grab a bite and sit behind the library, watching the guys play hack. We begin chatting about random shit, who's a pain in the ass and who's hot. That kind of thing. The normal high school drama that we can't imagine anyone over the age of 20 talking about. Jenna asks what I have planned for tonight, and like usual I have nothing. She says she is having some people over to her place and do I want to go. I know at this moment that I should say no and should catch the bus like usual, I have the words on the tip of my tongue and then Bryan chimes in. He says he is going and that we could hang out. With those words my resolve fades and I decide that my dad won't freak that bad. I agree.

After school we head out, it's a good hike to Jennacore's place but we are high as fuck so it doesn't matter. We walk and talk like old friends. Bryan is the coolest guy I've ever met and I can't keep my eyes off him for more than a minute. We chat back and forth like nothing, it's the easiest conversation I've ever had and I'm surprised. He actually gets me, understands the shit I have to say. We get to Jenna's and before I know it I'm on his lap. We kiss again and once more the fireworks are going off in my brain. His lips are incredibly soft and he is surprisingly gentle. We laugh and flirt for a long time. I can't believe he likes me, I'm just some dumb girl that he barely knows. But he does! He does like me! He wants to see me again... My brain feels fuzzy from a combination of weed and happiness. Finally the time comes to face the music and I hate to leave but I have to go... He kisses me goodbye and I head out... I really hope this is the beginning of something good.

Little did I know that this would become the first whirlwind romance I'd ever been in. We were off and on for a long time... We always came back to each other and he was always amazing and wonderful. I loved him the way only a teenager can love. I think that is the purest form of love. Self-less and unconditional. I still have that same love for him but differnt now, he is still in my life and I couldn't be more thankful. We aren't together anymore and I would never go back to it, but he has become the best friend I have. The man who would go to bat for me, back me everytime. He is my protector, my logic and the person who always wants to see me happy. He means more than he will ever fathom to me and he's amazing. I love you Zimzim! <3

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Teenage Love Story (Part 1)

I've decided to share a story from my past with you, a story about love and happiness and what it all means in highschool. It's a story about you ordinary teen who happened to be stuck somewhere that she wasn't well liked or valued, so she did what she needed to get by. That just happened to be the boy who would turn out to be her best friend and be there so many years into the future it's hard to imagine.

I skipped school again. 3rd period math class with the cute perky teacher, I can't remember her name, all I know is she is hot and her voice was the highest pitch I could stand to listen to. Jennacore and I are heading to the park. The park is the place of choice for the stoners of CDHS. The place where everyone knows you are getting high, but no one gives a shit, and we are going to get high.

This week is another mental break down, another drama fit. I'm 15 and trapped in a town where the population barely registers in the thousands. Campbellford is only a slightly bigger hole than Warkworth, and that just means more cops. My mom left on vacation a couple days ago and I am seriously hating my life. I had a fit in the office and began plotting the deaths of my classmates. You know, the ones making my life a living hell... Yeah, those guys. My Dad got a call from the school yesterday, they want him to go to councilling with me and I now have an appointment every Thursday. So needless to say, I'm stressed and I could use a little organic relief.

Chad meets up with us at the park and as per usual spends most of his time paying attention to my figure and overly flirtatious ways. We roll a joint and start blazing, and after a couple minutes, everything is alright. I proceed to chase squirrels around the park, laugh until my sides hurt and roll down a hill, making myself look like and idiot. What do I care really, by now, I'm so high my brain has stopped functioning. Then Jenna says she wants me to meet a friend. I agree and we start rolling another while we are waiting.

Not 10 minutes later, he shows. I'm awe-struck. He is the most gorgeous man I've ever met and he has a piercing. I get flustered and stupid but some how make it through without looking like a train wreck. He talks about punk music and laughs a lot. I can't stop myself from staring at him, he is magnificent. I feel like a blubbering idiot and this guy probably thinks I'm a creep. Out of nervous habit, I start applying lip chap like my life depends on it, and it's probably the only thing keeping me from utter dumbassery. In the distance I hear the bell ring, schools out... Had it really been 2 whole periods? I hug my friends and begin to walk off... He speaks. He's asking if I'm going to hug him, and I laugh. My body propels me towards him like it's possessed and suddenly I'm wrapped up in his arms. I can hear his hear and feel the warmth of his skin radiating through his sweater. I pull myself away and try to leave for the second time. I'm almost dizzy from the smell of him, or is it the weed? I'm not sure. Once again, he starts talking me back, making coy remarks and I can't resist.

"Is that all I get?" He's asking me, I turn around and he is grinning from ear to ear. Could he be asking me to...? No! I smile back and he turns his head beckoning me back. I walk briskly back and throw myself into his arm and kiss him hard on the mouth. The kiss is brief and tantalizing, leaving me lightheaded, giddy even. I walk back to school, getting there in time to catch the bus. The whole way home I can't help but think of him. The new guy. Bryan.

The next day is Friday, Jenna walks up to my locker like a cat slinking along a fence... Like it knows something. She grins and asks if I like Bryan. Of course I do, but telling her that outright would be to easy. I manage a bashful "Maybe." and she laughs. Jenna is one of those girls that everyone loves to hate or hates to love, she's got something about her that is different. She says we are meeting up to go to the park later on, I agree. The bell rings and everyone wanders towards there classes... I can't help but wonder about him.

Saturday, 9 April 2011

The day of password resets

Ugh! Today is becoming ridiculous, either my brain cells are melting together and becoming radio active, or the interwebs hates me.

This website makes number 3 that apparently think I have the wrong password. I know I don't, I am meticulous about my passwords and hoard them all on a word file on my computer. I think the internet is just angry at me for some reason.... Either way, I'm not a happy camper.

My account won't even let me reset my password... It's annoying to say the least. I have an email into there support team and hopefully they will do something about it, although it seems unlikely because I find that website support sucks.

Oh well, onto happier news. I went out to a friends last night, Barb, and I gotta say she is amazing. She might be helping me find a job as a live in nanny to a couple kids in Belleville. I would be okay with that for now, I mean I have done it before so it's not like it's a big deal, I'm just not overly fond of children. But W/E a job is a job and if it means dealing with squawking children all day, so be it.

Anyways, party at her place was great, I got to meet her friend Veronica and she was pretty nice. A lot like me in many ways, a loud mouth, opinionated bitch who talks over people. I didn't mind her company surprisingly, and we are going to make plans to hang out and go to the bar sometime which isn't a bad idea since being bored at home all the time is getting under my skin.

And apparently I was wrong about online support, just got an email and was able to reset my password via that! YAY! Now I can update my profile and all my books on the site. OH! If you are ever bored and have books laying around that you want to be rid of, go onto and make and account. You can basically get a number to track your book as it travels from person to person and other people can make notes about what they thought of the book. Pretty neat huh! I thought so, it's a nice way to save trees and save people some money instead of them buying new books =D

I also had another special treat yesterday, my friend Bryan came over for an unexpected visit. We talked, toked and then decided to go for a picnic. We stopped at McDonald's and got ourselves some food and walked to the pirate ship park. We walked along the shore, took some pictures and enjoyed ourselves. I haven't seen Bryan in literally, FOREVER. He is the light of my life to be honest, and we have been friends since I was 15. We dated a couple times briefly and nothing really came of it, but I wouldn't trade him as a friend for the world. I love him to bits. He is just starting a new job too and recommended I also have to make another appointment with Ontario Works just to tide me over for now.

I have to say, I'm thoroughly enjoying the experience of blogging whenever I remember, it is a nice way to kinda keep track of my life and put things into a different perspective. It all looks easier when it's all typed out in front of my face. It's harder to lie to an inanimate object than to a person with feelings and opinions. This laptop doesn't judge me and I don't really care what people on the Internet think.

I figure it is also time to start posting some pictures on this thing... So, lets see if I can figure that out!

There are some of my pictures from my day at the park, I realize I look awful, and I'm totally okay with that!

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

So, about that...

Today was one of the first days since I quit that I have been up in time to actually experience daylight for more than 4 hours... Honestly it's weird.

I went to a memorial for a friends mother and offered my condolences. He seemed so under control and amiable. I personally would have been a wreck. After I found out about his mom, I called mine to tell her I loved her and that she was important to me. I know he was probably dying inside, but he put on a brave front and it sucks because I think he deserves to be sad. I don't think anyone should have to be brave, strong or courageous in that situation. We should all have the right to cry until we hyperventilate and pass out. I know I will. It was also the first time in a long time I got to see so many friends. I'm especially looking forward to cottaging this year since I will be having guests up including the lover-lee Moira, Darling... Those boys are amazing and gorgeous to boot!

Either way it was a nice way to remember his mom... She was very special to him and I'm going to start making it a point to make my mother feel that special to me. Mum put up with a lot of crap raising me and I think she deserves a round of applause for being able to do it all.

Things mum could do:
Balance schedules like a party trick
Multitask like a champ
Make time for her kids
Be a drill sergeant
Deal with my addictions without batting an eye
Get me through it all
Clean anything
Bake the best things you've ever tasted.
Help me follow my dreams
Pick me back up
Not go insane.
Go to bat for you if your right
Let you know when you were wrong
Say she's sorry
Budget anything
Show me the value of trust and honesty
Say no (harder than you might think!)
Remain calm in the face of disaster
Be a bitch to those who deserved it.
Learn anything
Keep track of children in any store.
Not lose anyone in another country
Never change
Be my super hero.

I just wanted to say how much I love my mum, my whole family in fact... They are a wonderful, funny dysfunctional group that could never be replaced. We've laughed, cried, fought and loved, but they are always there for me.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Butterfly by Brendan Wellwood

I sit on a hill, watching the sky.
When a butterfly just happens by.
I struggle with emotions and then I sit
Up and gaze in amazement and wonder at it:
So strong, yet fragile.
So brave, yet afraid.
Majestic, but humble.
Graceful, yet awkward.
I reached up and plucked it out of the air.
Using my hands with the utmost care.
For if I were to touch its wings at all,
It would cease to fly and begin to fall.
It perched on my finger with daring ease,
In order to catch a passing breeze.
As it rose into the air, my emotions welled up again.
But I figured that I could not complain.
So I happily went upon my way,
A single butterfly had fixed my day.

Just an old poem I found written by an old friend a looooong time ago, I'm not sure he knows it even exists anymore, but I think it's beautiful.


I can't imagine a more peaceful place than this apartment, the night after a fight. Whenever we fight, everything is so loud, angry and turbulent that I feel like nothing will ever be peaceful again. Like someone who had there life ruin by an act of God or a war might feel unstable and insecure. It's almost as though there is a tornado rushing through my life, swirling around me, like the fury of a thousand storms. The next morning however, all is quiet and peaceful but still distant and cold. Imagine being in the arctic circle... No one there, except you. It's THAT kind of quite, that kind of alone feeling. In some ways however it's nice to be able to collect yourself and move on without being prodded with unsolicited apologies for what we both did.
Honestly, I hate apologizing. Sincerely, truly, unimaginably hate it. With every fiber of my being. Simply because, I'm not really sorry for what I screamed about and I don't regret saying those terrible things. Deep down, I meant them. Although we would love to believe we are perfect, we aren't, and I see nothing wrong with verbalizing those flaws and making them tangible. You can't possibly know something needs improvement if you have never been told so. Somewhere within my subconscious I suppose we are all aware of our own imperfections, but until they are forced to the surface, we will never confront them. People just make up lies to fool there own mind into bending the truths it knows and to cover up there true nature. It's a mechanism we all have to ensure we are accepted within our society. What I find truly amazing are the people that don't feel the need to have these lies around them like a safety blanket. These people are often least liked in social circles and shunned by society as pessimistic sociopaths, but in reality they are simply honest.
If you haven't become aware by now this is a rant that leads no where. I find this type of thing is helpful in relaxing my mind and preparing myself to deal with daily annoyances. If people wrote everything down, in brutal honest detail, we would have a much clearer understanding of everyone's needs. Some, however, don't communicate well and prefer not to discuss there innermost thoughts. Unlike them, I do enjoy typing out my feelings until my fingers bleed and screaming 'til my lungs give out. My mother taught me that. Venting the massive amount of emotion I feel daily is probably the only thing keeping me from murder or suicide. I haven't decided which as of yet. Even joy when undiluted, causes mental anguish. Sometimes I think that my brain isn't wired to handle emotion, period. Like learning how to walk on an artificial limb, it feels strange and disconnected even when taking the most tentative of steps.
Something else that I feel everyone should know about me is I'm not like my comrades of similar ages, I tend to have a more childlike outlook on my life. I find amusement in small things and be content talking to myself for hours. It's like I could never grow up, even if I wanted to. (Although I feel no need to do so.) There is nothing that makes me happier than brushing off responsibility for a day and being playful. There is also nothing in my life that makes me feel the need to play video games, or anything else related to computer simulated adventures. There has been a surplus of real life adventures in my life already.
To be frank, there is simply no desire to see if anyone will read this, and I do have things to do today. With that thought in mind, I will adjourn this babbling rant.

Friday, 1 April 2011

Job hunting and skinny jeans

So note to self, when job hunting and you must walk... NEVER WEAR SKINNY JEANS.
I have been too fat to fit into them for a long time and now that the winter pudge is starting to drop off I'm able to squeeze my chubby buns into them.
I walk for about 5 minutes before I started getting pins and needles in my legs. It was actually pretty weird. I dropped off resumes at a couple different places but totally forgot to get a tin of coffee or change for laundry. So although I came home with everything for dinner I still felt like a fucking douchebag.
I honestly think that Dana is getting upset at me for not having a job so I'm going to start applying EVERYWHERE. Until now I've been avoiding fast food and call centers simply because I don't want to gain more weight, but if all else has failed, then I'll take what I can get for now, and just wait it out until something better comes along.
In other news I got to see an old friend, Laura. Shes a pretty girl with a rockabilly attitude. (I'm thoroughly surprised that Firefox recognized "rockabilly" as a word!) She had just broken up with her boyfriend and was having a "Drunk day" which consisted of brown bagging a bottle sherry and mixing it with beer and some other energy drink and vodka mix. Either way. I love her drunk days. I drew a picture of her that looked like something a decapitated baby would have done and she scribble me something I still having figured out. But it had boobs in it.
We made bad jokes and laughed hysterically at each others shortcomings and recent events. We are both "clean" now. It's actually nice to have friends that understand what it means.
Speaking of friends. I'm going to a passion party with Barb and Kaila. It's being hosted by another old friend, Kendra. I'm really looking forward to a night away from everything testosterone related, because I swear I honestly might smash every game system in the apartment otherwise.
All in all, today has been uneventful.... No word from Ky, but she'll call soon. Either way... I have to make plans for cottaging. However, that's another day and another blog.