I have made a grueling decision today. I have decided to try and love my body not matter what I weigh or what I may have wrong with me. This is not something that is easy for me because I'm over weight and every day of my life I fight against the urge to fall back on the eating disorder that kept me slender for so long. I look in the mirror and see a twisted, distorted ugly person, but starting today I am promising myself to look a little harder and a little longer until I see the beautiful fun person everyone else sees in me.
I came across a quote today and it spoke volumes to me:
Your body is the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.
I think it's completely true. My body will take me to where-ever I need to be. It helps me achieve goals and reach the realm of dreams on a daily basis. It never gives up, never stops and takes a break or quits. It's a beautiful thing to think about. I need to start respecting my body more. Paying attention to it more often will make me a more healthy happy person and probably help to restore some of my confidence.
To do this I'm going to start a workout and begin eating more veggies and fruits. No more chips and junk for me. I'm also going to do more walking and start getting more fresh air as well as set up an appointment for a doctors visit to finally make sure that my body is totally healthy and getting all the things it needs. I took the first step by quitting drugs and getting sober, but I need to do more. I can't just hope everything will be okay, I need to make it that way. If I want something I have to work for it and what I want right now more than anything is to get healthy.
By the end of summer, I am promising myself to be in a size 9 and to have visited the doctor to figure out why I am sick.