Back!!!

So I know I have been absent for a while. I moved into my new place and my phone stopped working so I had 0 internet for the longest time. Thankfully my phone is back up and working so I can keep you updated from here.

The new place is pretty awesome. It has a few things to be fixed but it's pretty great all around. Beautiful hardwood floors and we finally got some window dressings up.

Marra and I are making due and things are working themselves out, slowly. Her boyfriend is pretty great and I am still single. It is a nice feeling.

I will post pictures soonish :)

Changes....

I have decided that change can be a good thing. I haven't felt this happy in months.... probably years.

Maybe I thought I was this happy during that euphoric puppy love phase but really, it was just my brain bonding with another human being. Nothing that is lasting. This is like the happy that people describe to me when they talk about marriage. This only real difference is I love ME and I am happy about my break up.

Dana and I are being civil, which is peculiar although not altogether a bad thing. We are working things out and I'm sure when I am finally packed and ready to go I'll be a little sad, but not because of a lost relationship, but because I am moving onto another part of my life. That is always a little sad, but amazing too.

I was talking to my friend about how I feel is somewhere between the euphoria I felt when I was using drugs and the terror I felt jumping off of the bridge in Campbellford as a teenager. I am rushed and stress and it feels like my world is in shambles, like I'm struggling just to get by and then at the same time like I am feeling an inner serenity that I thought could only come to me with drug use. It's beautiful. I believe I am finally feeling awake, finally breathing, finally alive.

Friends

I was watching Grey's Anatomy and Teddy's husband said he started coughing up blood to win an argument to make a joke out of being sick.

I started crying my eyes out. It made me think of my best friend, Danni. He died when I was 16 in a motorcycle accident. We were planning on getting together and celebrating my birthday, he was driving up to see me when he crashed.

This episode made me think of him. I felt terrible because I had forgotten him. Then in that instant I remembered how he smelled, the sound of his voice and the shape of his eyes. I miss him.

I just needed to talk about it to someone. Anyone.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network