Showing posts with label lmao. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lmao. Show all posts
Monday, 19 March 2012
Sunday, 25 December 2011
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Daily weirdo.
Today work went by quite quickly and as close to normal as you would expect. Then most of the way through my shift I received a call from one of the legendary weirdo's that always seem to find me.
That call started out with my normal call opening which was answered not with a standard greeting from the customer but with "DO YOU BELIEVE IN JEEZUS?!" being screamed in my ear. All I could do is respond with "Sure, but I don't think that has much to do with printers."
After getting his information and getting his printer confirmed, he then told me he was glad that I wasn't one of those N#&&@rs from Hispania(?), I calmly explained that I would prefer he stop referring to people of middle eastern descent in India with that word. He then started asking me what my heritage was and where my family came from, and all I could do was try to steer him back to his printer issue.
When we finally got to the issue, it turned out he was printing on paper that had 2 illustrations on 8.5 x 11 paper... like a story book. Problem was, the illustrations were pre-printed the wrong way for the printer so the text was coming upside down. If you turned the page around it printed the right way up but on the wrong picture. He then wanted to know if he could take out his printhead from his printer and turn it around. I advised him that a) laserjet printers do not have printheads and b) you can't just turn printheads around and make it print backwards. He responded with "Well I did it with my officejet." and I asked him what happened to the officejet, and he retorted with "Well after I put them in backwards the printheads blew up and it stopped working."
Unfortunately the settings in the program he was using were overriding even the most basic ones for the printer. Being tech support I am trained to fix the printers settings and obviously prove functionality. However that is not on every obscure software system on the planet. When I explained this was not our issue and that he would have to call his software provider, he kinda, sorta, lost his shit.
He started screaming that it was our fault and that we were just lying to him to make him look stupid. At this point I was growing increasingly amused with his rantings but little did I know the best was yet you come.
Everything when completely silent for a moment and then he yelled "I will destory you with an apocalyptic hellfire from Jesus!" I nearly died laughing my face off. The poor people around me looked confused but I literally couldn't stop laughing my ass off.
To top it off, the thick hilly billy twang added the most ridiculously over the top effect to the whole call that made my day that much better.
Thank you ridiculous hilly billy Jesus freak. <3
That call started out with my normal call opening which was answered not with a standard greeting from the customer but with "DO YOU BELIEVE IN JEEZUS?!" being screamed in my ear. All I could do is respond with "Sure, but I don't think that has much to do with printers."
After getting his information and getting his printer confirmed, he then told me he was glad that I wasn't one of those N#&&@rs from Hispania(?), I calmly explained that I would prefer he stop referring to people of middle eastern descent in India with that word. He then started asking me what my heritage was and where my family came from, and all I could do was try to steer him back to his printer issue.
When we finally got to the issue, it turned out he was printing on paper that had 2 illustrations on 8.5 x 11 paper... like a story book. Problem was, the illustrations were pre-printed the wrong way for the printer so the text was coming upside down. If you turned the page around it printed the right way up but on the wrong picture. He then wanted to know if he could take out his printhead from his printer and turn it around. I advised him that a) laserjet printers do not have printheads and b) you can't just turn printheads around and make it print backwards. He responded with "Well I did it with my officejet." and I asked him what happened to the officejet, and he retorted with "Well after I put them in backwards the printheads blew up and it stopped working."
Unfortunately the settings in the program he was using were overriding even the most basic ones for the printer. Being tech support I am trained to fix the printers settings and obviously prove functionality. However that is not on every obscure software system on the planet. When I explained this was not our issue and that he would have to call his software provider, he kinda, sorta, lost his shit.
He started screaming that it was our fault and that we were just lying to him to make him look stupid. At this point I was growing increasingly amused with his rantings but little did I know the best was yet you come.
Everything when completely silent for a moment and then he yelled "I will destory you with an apocalyptic hellfire from Jesus!" I nearly died laughing my face off. The poor people around me looked confused but I literally couldn't stop laughing my ass off.
To top it off, the thick hilly billy twang added the most ridiculously over the top effect to the whole call that made my day that much better.
Thank you ridiculous hilly billy Jesus freak. <3
Monday, 5 December 2011
*facepalm*
Soooooo, today was interesting. I spent the majority of it searching frantically throughout the call center for my "lost" cell phone.
I checked my purse, my coat and my boobs. I looked under my desk, in my drawer and through all my papers and binders.
I then retraced my steps, I looked in the aisles, out in the smoking area, in the cafeteria, I even checked with security and looked out front. I asked my TM too look around and made the janitor check everything. I even went through my garbage.
I was moping around my desk and trying to figure out how I was going to explain to my boyfriend that I had lost my phone when my friend popped over for a chat. I asked him if he had seen my phone, and he asked how big it was. I said "About 2x3, why?" giving him a funny look. He then pointed at my stomach and asked whether or not I checked the front pocket of my hoodie. I looked down to see a perfect 2x3 rectangle showing through my sweater....
I swear, I am losing my mind. Lmfao.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
I checked my purse, my coat and my boobs. I looked under my desk, in my drawer and through all my papers and binders.
I then retraced my steps, I looked in the aisles, out in the smoking area, in the cafeteria, I even checked with security and looked out front. I asked my TM too look around and made the janitor check everything. I even went through my garbage.
I was moping around my desk and trying to figure out how I was going to explain to my boyfriend that I had lost my phone when my friend popped over for a chat. I asked him if he had seen my phone, and he asked how big it was. I said "About 2x3, why?" giving him a funny look. He then pointed at my stomach and asked whether or not I checked the front pocket of my hoodie. I looked down to see a perfect 2x3 rectangle showing through my sweater....
I swear, I am losing my mind. Lmfao.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Friday, 2 December 2011
Monday, 28 November 2011
Best House Quotes =)
Collected a few House quotes that I love *heart* If you see a mistake, leave me a comment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nate: This isn't a medical test... this is about Dukie making me eat garbage!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House:What the hell are those?
Cameron:Candy canes.
House:Candy canes? Are you mocking me?
Cameron:No. I just... Its christmas.... and I thought....
House: relax. Its a joke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House : It's never lupus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: When you talk to god you're religious, when god talks to you its psychosis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cameron: He's black.
House: What?
Cameron: Foreman's black!
House: Really? How long have you been withholding that information?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6’ hose shoved into your large intestine?
House: No. But I now have a much greater respect for whatever basketball player you dated in college.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: It's a very sad thing, an uncalibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Foreman: I wasn't ready!
Dr. Taub: What were you going to do? Flex your goatee muscles?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CUDDY: Are you being intentionally dense?
HOUSE: HUH??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Foreman: You assaulted that man!
House: Fine. I'll never do it again.
Foreman: Yes you will!
House: All the more reason why this debate is pointless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: Oh no! You take Alpha Centauri, Foreman can look on
Tatooine, and Cameron can set up an intergalactic checkpoint. Let's
pray he hasn't gone into hyperdrive – we'll never catch him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: There is something called blewd in the pleural effusion... oh wait no, that's blood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-House: Do a stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.
Cameron: Because he screamed?
Chase: It could also be an environmental reaction... an allergy, dust, weed, pollen, something he ate...
House: Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... the lungs are in the chest too, right?
Foreman: I had a date last night, she screamed! Should we spend $100,000 testing her?
House: Course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-House: See that, they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane.
Wilson: Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?
House: Then they'll think I'm a doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nurse Wendy: I've planned a surprise getaway.
House: Get away.
Nurse Wendy: Ummm hmm.
House: Get away.
(Wendy stares)
House: Get. Away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cuddy: Would you describe it as a shooting pain? A throbbing pain? Or maybe an imaginary pain because you don't want to go back to prison?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chase: Yo mamma so fat that when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The world is such a complicated place if you've got higher reasoning skills. I'm often jealous of small animals and retarded children." -- House
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House~ (To Chase)"She's got pictures of YOU in here....... Just you, it's like some kind of weird shrine-"
Chase~ "You're kidding."
House~ "Yeah." (slides drawer shut)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wilson: I'm not on anti-depressants, I'm on SPEED!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Foreman: There are ways to getting to know people without committing felonies.
House: People interest me, conversations don't.
Dr. Foreman: Because conversations go both ways.
House and Dr. Foreman: Like Thirteen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: I need sleeping pills. I was gonna hit up Wilson but he's not answering his phone.
Dr. Cuddy: He must have left it in his pants, which he wasn't wearing when the police found him trying to walk home… oddly, from his own apartment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nate: This isn't a medical test... this is about Dukie making me eat garbage!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House:What the hell are those?
Cameron:Candy canes.
House:Candy canes? Are you mocking me?
Cameron:No. I just... Its christmas.... and I thought....
House: relax. Its a joke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House : It's never lupus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: When you talk to god you're religious, when god talks to you its psychosis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cameron: He's black.
House: What?
Cameron: Foreman's black!
House: Really? How long have you been withholding that information?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6’ hose shoved into your large intestine?
House: No. But I now have a much greater respect for whatever basketball player you dated in college.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: It's a very sad thing, an uncalibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Foreman: I wasn't ready!
Dr. Taub: What were you going to do? Flex your goatee muscles?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CUDDY: Are you being intentionally dense?
HOUSE: HUH??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Foreman: You assaulted that man!
House: Fine. I'll never do it again.
Foreman: Yes you will!
House: All the more reason why this debate is pointless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: Oh no! You take Alpha Centauri, Foreman can look on
Tatooine, and Cameron can set up an intergalactic checkpoint. Let's
pray he hasn't gone into hyperdrive – we'll never catch him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: There is something called blewd in the pleural effusion... oh wait no, that's blood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-House: Do a stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.
Cameron: Because he screamed?
Chase: It could also be an environmental reaction... an allergy, dust, weed, pollen, something he ate...
House: Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... the lungs are in the chest too, right?
Foreman: I had a date last night, she screamed! Should we spend $100,000 testing her?
House: Course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-House: See that, they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane.
Wilson: Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?
House: Then they'll think I'm a doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nurse Wendy: I've planned a surprise getaway.
House: Get away.
Nurse Wendy: Ummm hmm.
House: Get away.
(Wendy stares)
House: Get. Away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cuddy: Would you describe it as a shooting pain? A throbbing pain? Or maybe an imaginary pain because you don't want to go back to prison?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chase: Yo mamma so fat that when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The world is such a complicated place if you've got higher reasoning skills. I'm often jealous of small animals and retarded children." -- House
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House~ (To Chase)"She's got pictures of YOU in here....... Just you, it's like some kind of weird shrine-"
Chase~ "You're kidding."
House~ "Yeah." (slides drawer shut)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wilson: I'm not on anti-depressants, I'm on SPEED!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Foreman: There are ways to getting to know people without committing felonies.
House: People interest me, conversations don't.
Dr. Foreman: Because conversations go both ways.
House and Dr. Foreman: Like Thirteen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
House: I need sleeping pills. I was gonna hit up Wilson but he's not answering his phone.
Dr. Cuddy: He must have left it in his pants, which he wasn't wearing when the police found him trying to walk home… oddly, from his own apartment.
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