Today work went by quite quickly and as close to normal as you would expect. Then most of the way through my shift I received a call from one of the legendary weirdo's that always seem to find me.
That call started out with my normal call opening which was answered not with a standard greeting from the customer but with "DO YOU BELIEVE IN JEEZUS?!" being screamed in my ear. All I could do is respond with "Sure, but I don't think that has much to do with printers."
After getting his information and getting his printer confirmed, he then told me he was glad that I wasn't one of those N#&&@rs from Hispania(?), I calmly explained that I would prefer he stop referring to people of middle eastern descent in India with that word. He then started asking me what my heritage was and where my family came from, and all I could do was try to steer him back to his printer issue.
When we finally got to the issue, it turned out he was printing on paper that had 2 illustrations on 8.5 x 11 paper... like a story book. Problem was, the illustrations were pre-printed the wrong way for the printer so the text was coming upside down. If you turned the page around it printed the right way up but on the wrong picture. He then wanted to know if he could take out his printhead from his printer and turn it around. I advised him that a) laserjet printers do not have printheads and b) you can't just turn printheads around and make it print backwards. He responded with "Well I did it with my officejet." and I asked him what happened to the officejet, and he retorted with "Well after I put them in backwards the printheads blew up and it stopped working."
Unfortunately the settings in the program he was using were overriding even the most basic ones for the printer. Being tech support I am trained to fix the printers settings and obviously prove functionality. However that is not on every obscure software system on the planet. When I explained this was not our issue and that he would have to call his software provider, he kinda, sorta, lost his shit.
He started screaming that it was our fault and that we were just lying to him to make him look stupid. At this point I was growing increasingly amused with his rantings but little did I know the best was yet you come.
Everything when completely silent for a moment and then he yelled "I will destory you with an apocalyptic hellfire from Jesus!" I nearly died laughing my face off. The poor people around me looked confused but I literally couldn't stop laughing my ass off.
To top it off, the thick hilly billy twang added the most ridiculously over the top effect to the whole call that made my day that much better.
Thank you ridiculous hilly billy Jesus freak. <3