Oh Canada

I miss fall... Seriously...

Fall has to be the most beautiful season in Canada. The bright vibrant colours and the bustling leaves. Cool breezes mingled with warm days... That's the life.

Seriously...

My room mate is driving me insane. She is completely incapable of caring for herself, nevermind her animals. Now she wants to take one of the kittens and transport him back and forth the Kingston a shit tonne of times while she spreads for some random.

She is such an idiot. Like honestly, she can't scoop a litter box and doesn't pay for there food or litter. Not to mention that she has never paid for worm or flea medication... Or bathed her cat.

And who the fuck takes a cat travelling back and forth... If she gets stuck there or Gizmo freaks out, he is screwed. Not to mention, I just got him potty trained. Her moving him all over the place is going to seriously fuck that up.

I think I'm just going to get my mom to help me place him somewhere. And if my animals are touched, there will be blood. Her claiming that all the animals are hers, fuck that noise. She has put nothing into those animals. No work, no love, no attempt to care for them. Her taking in Nicki was shit. To her, animals are toys. Garbage... Things...

I can't imagine treating animals like possessions. She does.... It's pitiful. The only thing she can love is dick. She is a two bit cheap whore. Spreading her legs for the first two legged critter that slithers up and pays attention to her.

I do all the housework, she sits on her fat ass...  Including caring for the pets. Good luck getting anything from me. She can pry those animals from my cold dead hands.

Frustrated

I'm getting seriously frustrated and upset with the level of procrastination in the people around me. I find it so disheartening that I want to completely give up.

I honestly feel like I can't move forward because of the people that I'm with. There is always the exception to the rule, but I feel like I'm carrying the people in my life. It's like trudging through mud, slow and unyielding.

I just want to set aside everyone else for a while and be completely alone. I can't think or breathe without having some sort of stress interrupt me.

I want to pay my rent on time, I want to get my bills paid up and I would love to properly shop for healthy food. This seems to be completely impossible for me to do when no one else is contributing the same effort.

I wish I could scream, but I don't even have a voice anymore.

Seagate... What an impression.

So a while ago I purchased a Seagate 1.5 tb desktop external hard drive. It was a great price and it seemed really solid.

Last night before going to sleep I noticed a beeping noise coming from the hard drive. After some searching on the internet, it became clear that it was an issue that cropped up a lot with Seagate hd's.

Fearing that my drive was going to die and I would lose all my data, I called the company. I got accidentally disconnected from one tech rep bit when I called back I managed to touch base with a guy who quickly got me from verifying my account to working on the issue.

I was immediately offered a replacement drive and given the shipping options. I wasn't really happy with having to pay shipping to send it back or to pay them for what should be a warranty replacement. After I asked politely, the fees were waived and the order was set up.

It was almost effortless and compared to most other experiences I have had with other companies. I was actually very impressed with the whole experience. For as much as I was really unhappy that my drive was screwed up, I cannot say enough about how Seagate made me a seriously happy customer.

Definitely worth it for what I paid.

Back to work

So I have now been back to work for 2 weeks and it literally makes me want to find a window and jump.

I have decided I hate my job more than anything else in my life. It's boring, monotonous and filled with idiots. Literally. I have to fix people's printers because they are too useless to understand how google works. It's a printer.... Either its broken or its not.

Oh, your printer is spewing toner everywhere and has spontaneously combusted? Ever think of turning the stupid thing off? No? Okay then, just keep trying to print and then instead of telling me what the issue is, call and give a vague description of it... Like "my printer is not working" or "it won't print" How about you actually tell me what's going on, so I don't have to play 20 million questions to get the answer.

Oh and the best part is going from my leave to work 10 hour shifts... That is seriously messed up and unnecessary. Not to mention its actually an 11 hour shift... So calculating travel time, I get to spend more time at or travelling to work then I get to spend at home most days... Sounds perfect for someone who has anxiety and stress issues... >.<

Not to mention my benefits company, Sunlife, is the worst benefits company I have ever encountered. They had no one to answer the phone when I called on more than one occasion. If you leave a voicemail, you can count on it never being listened to or your call returned. And then even if you were previously approved for benefits for the same issue, you will still be forced to go through the approval process again. You have to submit a 1 page, 2 sided document that it apparently it took the representative 5 business days to read and process... If you have that many issues with English, you might want to take some lessons or something.

And I am so sick of being asked if I am happy to be back... I know its polite but seriously... Am I happy to be back at the job that stressed me out to a point where I mentally snapped and my body began to believe all food and contact with the outdoors was evil? Yes..  that's why I have a similar crazy grin and eye twitch to a hobo that is about to kill, cannibalize and rape you... In that order.

At least the kittens are getting bigger. They are like 6 weeks now and 2 of them have hopefully found their new families. Bonnie and Clyde are the first to go... Now I just need a home for Gizmo if I can give him up... You really do get attached to the little buggers...

Oh and Christmas, I am almost ready for it... I have most of my gifts done. Now I only have my 2 nephew's gifts and my friends Barb and Cory to buy for. I am finding the boys really hard to buy for... I don't know what little boys like these days... I'm almost set on getting them nerf guns and some extra darts... I will have to make sure to tell them not to shoot there sister or the new baby when she comes along.

Well... Back to my sleepy weekend. I really need to find some more mushrooms so I can get rid of these headaches for a while... They are killing me!

Week Three

So I'm now onto week 3 of my leave from work. I've been feeling a lot better, still have some anxiety about the outdoors and I am having trouble sleeping.

All in all though, I feel destressed. Money was an issue for a bit but I've managed to clear that issue up. The migraines are almost gone, and my hair has stopped falling out mostly. This is much improved from my previous state.

My next check up will determine if I am to return to work or not. I have to check back in with my doctor and he may want to try the anti depressants again. The problem with that is I tend to be non-compliant with them and they stop and start.

Today I'm feeling a touch sickie... However, it could be much much worse. I have a little headache and my tummy is a bit off.

Oh! And I have an old friend coming to visit. Her name is Caroline... We have known each other since grade 5 and she has always been so nice to me. I'm really happy we are going to see each other. And my Barbie is coming to visit me as well. I think that those two will mesh quite well. They are both so sweet natured and make wonderful friends. Barb wants to go to the bar tonight, I may be up for it but I'm not sure, I'm not really a drinker and with this headache....

In other news, the guy I'm seeing has managed to snap up a job. I'm so proud of him ^.^

Also I've managed to get tonnes of my Christmas shopping done. I'm really happy that its getting figured out now as opposed to later. I have a hookah for Marra, a vaporizer for another friend, mum is getting baking stuff and a small digital picture frame for her desk, my sister is getting pinch guards for her doors. The list goes on and on.... So far I haven't spent a tonne on it, but I still want to get a few more things. I am re-doing an old wooden sled for my aunt and Josie... She will love it!

However, I'm going to go sleep off this headache before I have to get up and tidy.

Cheers

The Giving Tree...

Lately I have been feeling more and more like my life is just crumbling. My best friend tried to jump out a fucking window and I have developed enough anxiety that going outside is becoming exceptionally difficult.

I feel like the people in my life are just taking and taking, and no one is giving back (with the exception of my family). I feel like every time I do something for someone, I am giving away a part of who I am. Eventually I will end up like the giving tree.... Nothing more than a stump.

If I say no to a request I am yelled at for it. Literally I said "no" when asked for a cigarette today because they are all I have left for a week. Instead of the person understanding, I got told not to ever ask them for anything.

That person being my best friend. The person who I loaned money too without blinking an eye and said pay me back whenever she can. The person who I pulled her back in from the window she tried to jump from and then spent several hours in the hospital with. The person who I don't ask for anything from with the exception of her half the bills, and for a while I didn't even get that.

I feel like I can never do enough for the people around me to keep them happy. I just want to lay down and never talk to anyone again.

I wish someone would consider me... Do I not have feelings? Do I not do good things for people? I try my best. Honestly. I want to be a good person and I want people to feel like I am good to them but how much of yourself do you give away before it's too much.

I don't want millions of dollars or a perfect life. But appreciation and thanks would be nice on occasion.

My hair has begun falling out again. I'm thinking its from the stress. The doctor doesn't want me back on my anti-depressants just yet. I'm noncompliant with my medication and that makes it risky for me to take them.

*sigh*

When will life be okay for a while? This is just too fucked up.