I am beginning to think the best thing I can do for myself is walk away from this stupid relationship and never date again. All the men I have dated have been complete douche bags. Sure, it starts out nice and everything is wonderful and then everything gets super shitty super fast.
I actually got yelled at for using too many dishes to make dinner tonight. I was also told that an accepted way to ask someone to move out of your way was to tell them to move out of the fucking way and go sit down. I swear, I am being treated more and more like a goddamn piece of trash that shits money and makes food.
He has been off work for 6 days now and hasn't even finished the dishes and apparently has decided that he shouldn't ever have to do anything except play his stupid video games. He refused to even do laundry and has gotten pissy with me when I had to go for doctors appointments. Like I was doing something horrible to him. I mean honestly, I am painfully aware of the fact that I can be a tad stuck up and pretentious and that I leave my socks in odd places until cleaning day... but at least I don't bully.
I wake up a little sadder every morning and think to myself,
"Why am I still here? What is this relationship doing for me besides making me angry and spiteful?" I can't name one reason why... and I am still here. I just want to go home. I want to have my mum wake me up every morning, and I want to go to school. I don't want to pay for my half of everything plus the shit he doesn't want to fork over the dough for!
I just want to move on with my life... I just feel like I am trapped here, in a place and time that I don't belong. Everything is just crashing down on my head, it like there is an avalanche just behind me and it's all I can do to stay ahead of it. Running for my life and I never have time to catch my breath or take a moment to be alone. Someone is always there, always waiting for me to screw up or do something they can pick apart.
I wish I just had time to sort everything out in my head. But I don't, so I give up... the waters will take me wherever the currents lead and I guess if I am battered to death on the rocks then that is what is going to happen.
All I wanted was to be loved and be happy.